I try to rationalize with her, calmly explaining that I know she wants to go out and play today but that's not going to happen because there is too much mud and dog poo for her brother to be out there. "But mom!" is the only response over and over and over. And then starts the, "Fine, if you don't let me, I won't be your daughter anymore." Did I mention this girl is only five?? And finally, "You don't love me!"
And today, that is when I went from being the calm parent to losing my mind. I allowed this precious little girl to cut straight to my heart. And in that moment of hurt mixed with annoyance mixed with an evil headache coming on, I lashed out. I couldn't even stop myself from screaming at her.
And then, the guilt. I know how much better she reacts when I stay calm and I can see the hurt in her eyes when I lose it. So knowing that we both feel hurt, why can't I stop? I apologized to her and promised to keep trying to do better. Luckily, this is something we're trying to teach her, so she accepted my apology but that doesn't make it right.
Later, it was time for bed and she wanted snuggles. This is where I go in and lay down next to her as she dictates where on her body I'm supposed to "scratch ticklish." And then, Life 102.5 played Chris Tomlin, "I Will Follow" and this little spitfire started singing every single lyric looking right into my eyes. Maybe it's not a total fail!
Hang in there. I have a 7-year-old that has been trying my patience since birth! I've been praying to have more patience with her lately. I don't think those prayers have kicked in yet. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so true! I have those moments all the time. This morning in fact when we had already spanked the 7yo for not taking in her dishes (not just forgetting but being defiant) and she still went back to her room without taking them. AAHH! And yet, there she was just yesterday out at the end of the driveway stopping people and giving them lemonade so they would donate to an orphanage in Haiti. She told each one about the 80 children and thanked them for the change they put in her Haiti box. What are you going to do with them??
ReplyDeleteBeing a parents is so tough! I think you handled the situation well, though. Even if we aren't perfect, being the best role models we can is all there is to do.
ReplyDeleteI'm taking notes for when mine gets there! He's too little now, but I know my day will come.
Girl, I can so relate! I actually had my stepmom buy me a "fruits of the spirit" bracelet to remind myself to be patient and kind. It was soooo bad one weekend when my husband was out of town that I cried in church b/c I felt so guilty about yelling at the kids. You are not alone! We are all going to have a bad day every now and then. But hopefully the good days outway the bad by a lot!
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